I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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