Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
