we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
