Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
