You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
