oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
