I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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