Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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