No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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