i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
