whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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