I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
