dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
