The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
