I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
