The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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