is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
