what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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