I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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