im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize