college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
