i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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