she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
