No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
