I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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