I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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