nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
