I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize