oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
