twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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