We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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