i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
