They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
