This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
