im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
