where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
