CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
