And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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