Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I AM VODKA MAN
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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