Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
