i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize