So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
