I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
