I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
