he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
