dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize