On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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