woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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