I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
