I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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