Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
