@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize