i permit you to call me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
