Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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