i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
