i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
