So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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