Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
