hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
