Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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