Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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