Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm like, not good at living.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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