apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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