just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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