Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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