Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
