just tell him i said nine months
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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