my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize