Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I lost the right to judge tonight
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
