normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
