I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just sent this text using only my big toe
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize