how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
