I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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