Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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