he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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