Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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