Screwed.edu
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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