Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
